No one can.
Few even bother to try.
.
It strikes fear in the hearts of many, to put it mildly.
It destroys entire cities without breaking a sweat.
It could kill you just by breathing on you.
No one has ever been able to restrain it.
Despite the obvious danger,
when you find yourself faced with it
and all of its gruesome, terrible power,
all you can do is stare in awe.
You may be surprised to learn that it's not
It is the one, the only, the undeniable
It's okay.
You can stop quaking with fear now.
She's not actually here.
Over the years, many--but only those who are fortunate enough to be
met with the wrath of neither--have confused Godzilla and Rachzilla.
If you are among the unenlightened, it is in your best interest to study
the following table of comparisons, lest you meet with one of these
monsters tomorrow and can't tell which.
| Godzilla | Rachzilla | |
| Also Known As | Gojira | Learch, Charle, or Raquel |
| Domain | Terrorized Tokyo Annihilated the "Apple" | Frightened Fremont Astonished Ames |
| Diet | Eats tons of fish daily | Will eat frozen fish patties |
| Tastes | Likes his fish uncooked | Likes her lettuce raw |
| Taste in Humans | Doesn't intentionally eat humans | Frequently bites people |
| Height | 40 stories | Four foot one |
| Weight | 80 tons | 50 pounds or more |
| Vocalization | Roars | Giggles madly |
| Oral Danger | Breathes radioactive fire | Drools profusely |
| Skin | Greenish brown and rough, with spines on its back | Pink and squishy, with bug bites all over |
| Environment | Spends a lot of time underwater | Doesn't like to get her face wet |
| Clothing | None | Swimsuits |
| Gender | All of the above | Female |
| Theme Song | "Godzilla" by Blue Oyster Cult | "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer |
| Media Experience | Stars in 22 movies | Does voices on two limited-release audio tapes |
| Rival | Mothra | Andrea |
| Origin | Nuclear accident | Not yet determined |
I hope this has helped to clear up any misunderstandings
regarding the great and powerful Rachzilla.
Recommend this site to all of your friends!
Before you leave, here's one last bit of help on keeping
these two masters of destruction straight in your mind:
This is Godzilla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . This is Rachzilla
Any questions?
Wait! There's more!
This just in: Our worst nightmares are coming true.
We'd long suspected it, but now we have confirmation.
The world's two most dangerous creatures, Godzilla and Rachzilla, are teaming up.
Don't panic just yet, they haven't joined forces for any destruction so far.
It appears that they're just vacationing together.
No one would initially believe something so strange just on hearsay,
so we feel it is our solemn duty to share this proof with the world.
So far we have one photo, taken by an anonymous tourist vacationing in
the southwestern region of the United States, but there may be more photos
out there somewhere. Should anyone see this and decide to come forward
with their own photos, those will be added below.
The Zillas' vacation has drawn so much attention
--not to mention taken up so much memory--
that it now has its own site.
Proceed to The Zilla Vacation Saga and Photo Album if you dare.
Or click here to return to the index.