|
Roommate Agreement Worksheet September 13, 2000 -- Since the worksheet provided by the university left virtually no room for answers, we have opted to provide our responses on a separate page. This document includes all of the original questions in the original order, with no omissions or additions. Sleep What time do you go to sleep? Shortly after I give up on things for the day, if not for the semester or for life. What time do you get up? Shortly after that malicious hunk of plastic and wiring known innocuously as an alarm clock begins its infernal screeching. Are you a heavy sleeper? Yes, I weigh quite a bit while awake, and sleeping has failed to show any success as a weight loss method. Do you snore? Only in recitation. Study How much do you study? Every waking hour--and then some--of this unrelenting, unending academic assault. When and where do you study? Generally I study when I'm awake and have books, notes, and/or a computer with me. What time of day do you study? All of them. How quiet does it need to be while you study? It must be perfectly silent; if I hear so much as a pin drop while I am studying, my assembled knowledge will completely collapse like a house of cards and I will have to get velcro shoes. Do you listen to music while studying? Yes, when the freakin' neighbors' stereo is on. Also sometimes intentionally, but then no one else can hear my music--it's all in my head. Either that or my headphones. Cleanliness How neat do you want the room to be? I'd like it to be pretty neat, even a little spiffy and kind of keen, daddy-o. How do you determine who cleans what and when? Whoever makes the mess cleans it up whenever any roommate deems the cleanup necessary. Mutual messes will be cleaned up with equal effort. How do you want to decorate the room? I want to decorate it in earth tones, to give it a more natural feel, and to counteract the weak fluorescent lights with some nice vanilla-scented candles. But since the paint, wallpaper, and especially candles probably wouldn't go over well with the local authority figures, we'll just decorate the room with lots of textbooks, meese, and aluminum foil. Who will take out the garbage? Ryan will be shown the door and allowed to leave under his own power. Use of Personal Property Which of your items are you willing to share? Anything with a sticky note on it that says "Use me!" and anything that has been discussed as sharable. Do you have any items that are "off-limits"? The following items are "off-limits" and will not be shared: toothbrushes, violins, scuba gear, underwear, glasses, beds. Will you share food which you have purchased? Yes, with permission--unless I've already eaten it. Would you like to share clothes with your roommate? Not while I'm wearing them. That could get kind of awkward. Participation in the Guest Program How many people will visit at one time? As many as we can fit in the room without the endangerment of the computers, violin, meese, or foreign language books. When will same-sex guests be allowed in the room? When all roommates are awake, clothed, and warned. When will opposite-sex guests be allowed in the room? When all roommates are awake, clothed, and warned. How would you like to handle overnight guests? With oven mitts. Either that or latex gloves. How early will your guests arrive? Sometime after August. How late will your guests stay? Mid-May at the latest. Other Things Will smoking be allowed in your room? Only by people who are on fire at the moment. How would you like to handle telephone messages? Choose one: (a) Let the answering machine get them. (b) Write them down on the markerboard or on a piece of paper. (c) Write them down but distort them terribly, beyond all recognition, to a point at which they could cause misunderstandings, stress, and/or WWIII. How would you like to handle locking the room door? By pressing the button on the back of the knob and pushing or pulling (depending on which side one is on) the door shut so that it latches, not necessarily in that order. How much time do you want/need to spend with your roommate(s)? I must see them at least one hour a week, or else I will forget who they are. What role will alcohol play in your living situation? Alcohol will play the role of the long-lost evil twin who was separated at birth and raised by a foster family only to discover its true parentage on the eve of its birth mother's remarriage to its abusive boss at the ski resort. However, due to poor viewer response, alcohol will be written out by midseason, killed off by a jealous former classmate in the season's highest-rated episode. Quiet Hours What does quiet mean to you? Quiet is when the snow softly begins to fall in the forest on an still, moonlit night. Quiet is when the neighbors stop running around and slamming their doors. Quiet is when the voices in my head go away. When will you listen to the stereo? Whenever the neighbors turn on that crap they call music and crank up the volume to let everyone else share in the "enjoyment." When will you watch TV? Usually only when it's on. When will you play video games? When UN-ell freezes over. Conflict Resolution How would you like to approach your roommate when conflict arises? With a large blunt object. But I won't actually do that; it wouldn't go over well with the paramedics or the RD. Instead, in the event that conflict arises, we will behave like mature adults. We will snap on the spandex, pick up our giant foam-ended batons, and solve our disputes "American Gladiators"-style, standing on those brick things in the fountain. How would you like to be approached when conflict arises between you and your roommate? Slowly, not from behind, with no sudden movements, and with no weapons. How will you use your roommate agreement to mediate conflict? We'll get it back from the RA or RD, roll it into a paper sword, and have a duel. We might have to make a copy of it at the front desk, though, so it's at least a fair fight. We shall split the cost of the copy evenly. What role will your RA play in conflict mediation? As we battle, she can watch from nearby with a whistle and a striped shirt, if she wants to.
|