Cheer Up

• The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.

• They say the house didn't float very far at all.

• We're all amazed that you go on living each day.

• Well, at least the operation was a partial success.

• The "National Enquirer" just loved those nude shots of you.

• The insects hardly touched your other eyebrow.

• With the lights dimmed, it looks almost normal.

• The District Attorney says he only has a few more questions.

• At least the passenger side air bag inflated.

• Jenny Jones wants you for this "secret admirer show".

• The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars.

• At least we never thought you were guilty like that jury did.

• The insurance pays the full book value ($ 312) for your 1956 T Bird.

• The thieves left the push lawn mower and hedge trimmers.

• Those grand juries always overreact. Don't worry about it.

• Lots of guys face multiple paternity suits.

• The boss said while you're sick, he'd do all your work personally.

• Tech support said those errors just aren't possible.