The body: Form potatoes into two balls, one approximately 3" in diameter, the other approximately 2". Place the larger one in the center of the plate. Place the smaller one directly on top of it and push down slightly, just enough to form a secure potato bond. Be careful not to press down too hard; these are potatoes, after all.
The features: Press two peas into the "face" of the snowman for eyes. Below that, push in the tomato sliver for a mouth, with it curved upward into a smile. (If your extraterrestrial snowman is depressed, you might want to turn the tomato the other way.) Finally, insert the two apple stems into the "head" at an appropriate angle for antennae.
The surroundings: Spread the rice liberally around the base of the snowman. Arrange the remaining peas in a circle around the snowman. Spoon soup onto the peas for further decoration.
You have created a culinary masterpiece! Now take your tray back to the conveyor belt and make the food service employees' day a little more interesting.
Spread the frosting liberally over the tortilla and eat it. The interesting thing about this recipe isn't the creation as much as the effect. Based on the observed behavior of people consuming this delicacy, it should be a controlled substance.
Place the dinner roll in the center of the plate. Place the pear core upside-down on the roll and push down so that it stays. Stick the chips into the roll on opposite sides for ears. Dab refried beans on as you deem fit for eyes and other facial features. Now wiggle the chips up and down and you can almost hear your food service furby sing "doodee doodee doot doot."
Fill the ice cream cone with ice cream until it is level with the top of the cone. Add a dash of salt. In a clear glass, combine the juices. Put the cone into the glass, right side up. Let it sit for five minutes. Stir.
Smear 1 T of frosting on the bottom of a small plate. Stick two breadsticks in it, standing on their ends like pillars. Put a gob of frosting at the top of each pillar, then set the third breadstick across the top. Press down gently to assure that it sticks properly. Voila, chocolate pi, either that or garlic stonehenge.
Optional: If you are concerned that your creation may not be recognized for what it is, you may want to label it. Take one brown paper napkin, and use your remaining frosting to scrawl out "CHOCKIT PI," using whatever is handy as a writing utensil.
Place the jello in a cereal bowl, then wrap the kiwi skin around the jello. Give it a name and caress it until it comes to life.
Mix the cereal in a bowl; do not add milk. You may substitute other cereals, especially if you find one with pink triangles. (Optional serving suggestion: Flambe.)
* We do not guarantee that the cereal will be gay; it may only be somewhat confused.
Pour milk and Mountain Dew together in a tall drinking glass. Add jello and stir briskly for 30 seconds. Microwave on high for 45 seconds. Garnish with marshmallows. Admire colors and textures.
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