Active Associates

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He gives us server space!
• Home Town: Omaha (Plattsmouth, but he won't admit it)
• Major: Political science, perhaps with computer science
• Keirsey Type: Unknown
• E-mail: aastley@creighton.edu
• Link: http://www.brassball.net
• Quotes:
  • "A crafty box???" Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when you mix the games of Botticelli and Telephone.
  • "Thank you, Ross. You are now my surrogate jaw."
  • "I'll try not to get harpooned." Yeah, that P2 bathroom is a dangerous place.
• Interesting Fact: He and Sarah have an ongoing unstated bitching contest. I'm not sure who's winning.
• Where he'll be in a decade: Unknown

• What keeps her from being a full member: Although she's lived with members, she never resided in the original ghetto.
• Why she's included here: She's made significant contributions to ghetto endeavors.
• Home Town: Lincoln
• Major: Computer engineering, despite what Erin may tell you
• Keirsey Type: Unknown
• E-mail: raugust@cse.unl.edu
• Link: http://cse.unl.edu/~raugust
• Quotes:
  • "This is Tatyana. She doesn't like people." She then promptly plops a hamster on the floor.
  • Subject and location of Liz's hypothetical tattoo: "Two penguins having sex... on her butt."
  • While ill: "Tennis balls are happy, 'cause they smile." She turns the ball around. "I guess it could be a frown, too."
  • "I don't know what level I was sucking from!"
  • "What's that, Odie? I don't know if Erin's being turned on by your dancing."
• Interesting Facts:
  • She's been battling a Wheat Thins addiction since the mid-nineties.
  • During the summer of 2002, she purchased more Swedish Fish than any other human in recorded history.
• Where she'll be in a decade: Doing something obscenely cute.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He's evidence of what Sarah can do to a person.
• Home Town: Omaha, NE
• Major: Music education
• Keirsey Type: Rational--Mastermind
• E-mail: abraun2@bigred.unl.edu
• Quotes:
  • "I think I set a land speed record for pudgy people."
  • "Yeah, what the hell happened?" (After Sarah commented that he used to be quiet.)
  • "If I ever have to battle somebody to the death, let it be you." (To Morgan, as she threatened him with a clear plastic shoe.)
  • "So if ice cream is essentially frozen milk..." (I think we can leave the rest of this question unasked.)
  • "That's it, Morgan, I'm not taking any more of your crap. I'm taking a stand... just as long as you don't hit me."
  • The comment about spending too long playing Star Wars computer games, which I probably shouldn't even attempt to quote directly.
  • Ditto for the comment about his lip in band.
  • To Morgan: "You're sitting on a hilighter." (You really should've seen her reaction!)
  • To Amy: "You'd make either a really good artist or a really bad chef." (As she created a culinary masterpiece out of destroyed Oreo cake and finely crumbled peanut cookie, garnished with shredded lettuce and a dollop of red jello.)
  • "Thou art freaky-deaky." (During a discussion of Baroque terminology.)
  • "...Basking in the majesty that is Andy dancing..."
  • "Yeah, 'cause Andy's ass is big enough for interstellar objects." (I believe this was in the context of someone not being able to find/see the moon.)
  • "I'm black and I'm proud."
  • In unison with Morgan: "Always bet on black."
  • "Give Zac a minute to pick up his underwear."
  • In an e-mail: "What do you legally get when you're twenty? I already can see R rated movies, vote, buy porn, enter contests. Can't drink yet (wink, wink). So what do I get? Really nasty porn?"
  • Adjusting cheesecake: "Oh my God I circumcised it!"
  • To Libby, about drafts: "Until you have testicles, you have no say in this."
• Where he'll be in a decade: We're almost afraid to speculate.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome and the fact that we can't prove that he exists
• Why he's included here: We have virtually infinite admiration for his tact and subtlety.
• Home Town: North Platte
• Major: Psychology and Spanish
• E-mail: taintedone@hotmail.com
• Quotes:
  • "I'm not conceited, because conceit is a fault, and I have none."
  • "We created God. We should worship kitchen utensils and duct tape."
  • "I am the help. How's that for scary?"
  • "Sarah, you are a walking statistical anomaly."
  • To Gennette: "If I want my children to be sexy, you're having them."
  • "Life is an unfair, cruel, and evil place."
  • "I've decided to be short tomorrow."
  • "I remember getting into the shower. There may have been water involved."
  • "You can't prove that."
  • "Is that your belly button?" (The reply: "Yes, you can remove your finger now.")
  • To Laura, Ross, and Erin: "Everybody: switch partners!"
  • "No, it's frightening; it's up in the air and it moves and it could fall at any time."
  • To Ellen: "This will be easier if I'm above you."
  • "Actually, when I'm around Erin these things tend to just fall out."
  • "The devil lives in a salmon-colored car."
  • "We're not getting fat; the world is getting dangerously thin."
  • About his roommate's new taste in music: "We listen to nothing but the didgeridoo and John Denver. It's like my own private hell."
  • "If the battery died in my car, I'd probably just try a 9 volt. You know, the big ones we used to use in science class."
  • "Scared, naked Ryan is not happy Ryan."
  • "I have a date with the pope."
• Where he'll be in a decade: Delivering white roses instead of receiving them, having failed out of college.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He stole Erin's roommate.
• Home Town: Cairo, NE
• Major: Chemical Engineering
• E-mail: mdibbern@bigred.unl.edu
• Quotes:
  • Before trying the grilled peanut butter sandwich: "I regret that I have but one life to give for food service."
  • "I am a dirty whore."
  • Noting that the Outback Steakhouse utensils would be nice to have but hard to take without a purse: "There are certain anatomical and geographical reasons not to put a steak knife down a man's pants."
  • "I think I need the knife down the pants." (He was referring to the quote on the topic being put on the web page, but Erin chose to interpret it otherwise.)
  • "My wife is a research whore!"
• Interesting Facts:
  He claims to be "a lover, not a fighter," yet he owns a sword, two pairs of nunchucks, and two fighting sticks.
• Where he'll be in a decade: Rearing the eight children he's been told he wants, and also participating in the manufacture of some form of illegal narcotic.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He's taken enough abuse from an associate who shall remain nameless (to everyone who doesn't already know that it's Ryan).
• Home Town: Lisco, NE
• Major: Broadcasting
• E-mail: sdunn4@hotmail.com
• Quotes:
  • "I thought--for just a second--that it was a girl."
  • "Death! Death is coming! Death! Death and his little blonde friend!"
  • "I spilled milk--nobody cry!"
  • "I am not a whore."
  • "I cannot see my own face."
  • "Wherever I go, that's where I am." What profundity!
  • "I am, like, the most important person on the planet, but nobody knows it."
  • "I need a bigger mind."
  • "I tried to weigh myself down with rocks and throw myself in the pool, but the rottweiler saved me. Damn you, Gunther!" Note: I don't think the name he used was actually Gunther, but I can't remember what it was.
• Where he'll be in a decade: Writing, directing, filming, and starring in a wildly successful one-man production while fighting off the affections of his adoring public.

• What keeps her from being a full member: She's partially sane, and she seems to have a life.
• Why she's included here: She has to walk the ghetto gauntlet just to get to and from her room, and she's contributed as much as any of us have to the fascist propaganda.
• Home Town: Holdrege, NE ("a.k.a. Hell's Front Lawn")
• Major: Art
• Keirsey Type: Idealist--Healer
• E-mail: mephista_x@yahoo.com
• Quotes:
  • "Insane people don't generally know they're insane. In their world, it's perfectly normal to have a large group of penguins following them wherever they go."
  • Out of the blue: "Oh, I thought of something for our fascist propaganda!"
  • "Beware of the orange juice!"
• Interesting Facts:
  • In her own words: "I'm short. I have long hair. I like Altoids. I can say the alphabet backwards. I like Star Trek."
  • She tied Sarah's shoes with the bows near the toes last spring and as far as I know Sarah hasn't changed them back yet.
• Where she'll be in a decade: Starving, like all true artists.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He was here in the very beginning when four very strange people came in and interrupted our very bad movie.
• Home Town: Mitchell, NE
• Major: Computer engineering, with possible minors in math and physics
• E-mail: jesusfreak57@hotmail.com
• Links: The Official Homepage of Joel Gompert
• Quotes:
  • "It's not in the trunk. It's under my seat."
  • "And then I threw them in the back of the pickup truck next to us."
  • "I am a very serious duck."
  • "We should have the police over more often!"
  • "Wanna come up and look at my meat?" (He was making jerky.)
• Where he'll be in a decade: Designing an energy-efficient time travel machine and writing Volume 47 of his autobiography. Little does he know that a Hollywood producer is looking at a proposal to make his autobiography into a TV movie or miniseries, to be titled: "Years of Tears, and Why Despite Everything I Still Like Girls: The Joel Gompert Story."

• What keeps her from being a full member: Non-ghetto residence
• Why she's included here: She says we're awesome.
• Home Town: Grand Island, NE
• Major: Vocal performance
• E-mail: divachick98@hotmail.com
• Quotes:
  • "Blackmail is cool."
  • "Can somebody find me some FIS classes?!?" (Regarding NU's Integrated Studies course requirements.)
  • "Shut up so I can eat my dinner!" (To Andy, when he was under the influence of an energy-supplement shake and Amy couldn't eat because she was laughing too hard.)
  • To Morgan: "Oh you look much cuter than I do; you're a big dork."
• Where she'll be in a decade: Playing the lead in a big-time opera in New York but driving back to Lincoln whenever her car needs a tune-up, just to say hi to a couple guys at Jiffy Lube.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He says we're awesome.
• Home Town: Omaha, NE
• Major: Veterinary science
• Keirsey Type: Idealist--Healer
• E-mail: ironcharles@hotmail.com
• Quotes:
  • "I am sorry to tell you this. I am listening to RENT."
  • "Sadness" or "Happiness" depending on the mood
  • "Sarah, you are the wealth of knowledge."
  • "You guys are awesome. I'm jealous." (In reference to the ghetto.)
  • "Don't let the clothes throw you. She's really naked."
• Interesting Fact: If there is ever a ghetto fan club, he'll be the one to start it.
• Where he'll be in a decade: A world-famous sci-fi writer who also writes for Broadway while tending to the animals.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He had more quotes on the page than some of our full-fledged members (and even some of our members without any feathers at all). However, by that logic, we'd probably have to make Adkin an associate, too.
• Home Town: Omaha, NE
• Major: As a grad student, he's beyond majors. I suppose that makes him a comp sci colonel.
• E-mail: cluening@cse.unl.edu
• Links:
  • http://www.thepests.com
  • http://www.thepests.com/~cluening
  • http://gromit.unl.edu
  • http://cse.unl.edu/~cluening
• Quotes:
  • "I'm squishy. And I make funny noises."
  • "I dance good."
  • "I am obviously right and your inability to recognize this shows just how wrong you are."
  • "I'll pop 'im before I'll make 'im cry." (While holding a pocketknife to Sarah and Ross's illegitimate balloon child, much to the dismay and horror of those of us who could do no more than watch and cover our ears)
  • "I've got Neapolitan turkey." What's sad is that, judging by color alone, he did.
  • While scrubbing his roommate's AOL CD with a napkin at food service: "The chicken has left funk upon my plate."
  • Attempting to seduce Gennette: "Hey, baby. You see that thing on the floor over there? I tripped over that a minute ago."
  • Services volunteered for plaster casting. (I can't actually quote this because I wasn't there to hear it, but I consider the gesture noteworthy nonetheless.)
  • "I'll agree to anything you say. I'm like Al Gore."
  • "Girls just can't keep their eyes off me!"
  • "I grow weary of this rotten banana."
  • "Yeah, that's pretty bad."
  • "She was teaching me to use Latex [Latec] more better than I could, and telling me the things I was doing were ugly."
  • "I trap boobies!"
• Interesting Facts: In his own words: "I play with computers. I am an impulsive programmer. I am both smug and condescending. I have fish."
• Where he'll be in a decade: No one knows for sure, but I'm guessing it will involve at least six computers.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He never whines.
• Home Town: Bellvue
• Major: Applied Computer Science/Pre-Med
• E-mail: jhobbes1@home.com
• Quotes:
  • "But Sarah, I never say anything interesting."
  • "I need a life; people in hell want ice water; oh #@$% well."
  • "I think I'll get off the phone before they realize they've been insulted."
• Where he'll be in a decade: We aren't sure yet.

• What keeps her from being a full member: Being related to Erin
• Home Town: None/farm/North Bend/Fremont/Ames
• Major: (Unbeknownst to her) Cat psychology
• Keirsey Type: Idealist--Something
• E-mail: ap_skittles@hotmail.com
• Link: A page made for/about her a while ago
• Quotes:
  • "Well you cheated." (Every time she loses a game to Erin.)
  • "We took a vote: we don't like you."
  • (Triumphantly) "I fixed an Eskimo with a nut pick!" (Necessary information: There was an Eskimo-shaped Christmas candle whose legs had broken off, and she was able to repair it with additional wax and the appropriate tools.)
  • "I am almost a goddess!"
  • "I feel naked now--where's my chair?"
  • "It's a Sleeveless, Strapless, Spandex, Recycled, One-Size-Fits-All Wedding Muumuu!"
  • "Well, the phone rang, and I was hoping it wasn't a boy."
  • After determining that Cory, Ryan, and Morgan were all independently Rachel, as was Libby, who was Andrea, who was Erin, and so on until reaching the natural conclusion that everyone except Sarah was the same person: "So, this is Sarah's world, and she's not very imaginative."
• Where she'll be in a decade: (Sorry, ten years isn't long enough to be old, alone, and living in a cave. That wouldn't happen anyway.) She will be in a mid-sized Nebraska town, dealing with the stress of starting her own pet vet clinic (specializing in cats, of course) as well as the stress of adapting to married life.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He may or may not have any influence on or insight into Sarah.
• Home Town: Unknown
• Major: Computer engineering
• E-mail: rreed@cse.unl.edu
• Quotes:
  • "Sarah, let's make a bet..."
  • Maniacal laughter
  • (To Ryan) "Are you sure it's mine?"
  • "Everyone in Neihardt thinks I'm gay. Everyone in Pound thinks I'm straight. Now we need something for Cather."
  • "Is there somewhere I can be alone with my goat?"
  • "But of course, I'm always right."
• Where he'll be in a decade: (In Sarah's words) "Nooooooo, nooooo, I don't want to know..."

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He's allegedly been knocked up by two or three founders.
• Home Town: Bruning, NE
• Major: Theater
• E-mail: rossrippe@yahoo.com
• Quotes:
  • "Just because I live in Pound, that doesn't mean I don't exist."
  • "You wanna see something really scary?" (We're not going to say what he was actually doing at this moment.)
  • "Oh, Erin!"
  • "I am very concerned about you all." (While Liz was attempting to resuscitate Cory's injured Jello pet)
  • "I was just brushed by Death--twice!"
  • "Let me talk to your breasts; then I'll be able to call you Morgan again."
  • "Turn around and go down."
  • On the merits of body pillows: "They don't argue or talk back and they fit well between my legs."
  • Speaking as someone else: "I don't like [name]. I don't like [same name]. I slept in his bed."
• Where he'll be in a decade: Tending to his enormous, obscenely expensive, perfect new house and writing poetry that would scar even the most experienced English professor.

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He inspires Gennette and he cooks.
• Home Town: Merna, NE
• Major: Chemistry
• Keirsey Type: Rational--Fieldmarshal
• E-mail: jsolomon@inebraska.com
• Links:
  • http://incolor.inebraska.com/jsolomon
  • http://rcf.unl.edu/~sdi
• Quotes:
  • "When I was in elementary school we had a boy gerbil and a girl gerbil and they met the most horrible end."
  • About the gerbils: "Well it wasn't like it was the first time they'd had sex."
• Interesting Facts:
  • He is, by his own description, "really old." (He was born in 1976.)
  • Every research lab he's worked in has studied high explosives.
• Where he'll be in a decade: In his own words: "I will be a trauma surgeon and working on my second PhD and continuing my suit against UNL for defamation of character for being their drug poster child."

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: He uses the traditional greeting more traditionally and emphatically than most members.
• Home Town: Falls City, NE
• Major: "ChmE... or CompE... no, it's ChmE...oh bother"
• E-mail: jthiltg1@bigred.unl.edu
• Quotes:
  • "I saw some of the Red Letter Day students at lunchtime. It was so cute. They actually had hope in their eyes. Won't be long before that's burned away."
  • "Sometime, we need to yell 'Run, run! It's too late for me, but it's not too late for you to save yourselves!' Let's see the tour guides explain that."
  • "Put up your dukes!" (Fighting words not to use carelessly after seizing upon the opportunities presented in Libby's spam.)
  • "I was afraid the good had gotten to you."
• Interesting Facts:
  • He enjoys disassembling Ghetto heating/cooling units.
  • He has a plethora of MTDs--many of which he probably got from his RA and at least one of which involves Chancellor Perlman--so for your own safety, you might want to put a plastic bag over your head when interacting with him. (MTDs are Mentally Transmitted Diseases--loosely defined as bad, wrong, unpleasant, or otherwise undesirable ideas or images that get stuck in your head after someone suggests them to you.)
• Where he'll be in a decade: In his own words: "I will graduate college, but the economy will continue to decline to the point where even formerly solid companies are failing. I will be layed off from my job and will be forced to become a man-whore, following in the footsteps of Joel, working 10 hour days for a pittance of bread provided by our owner, Sarah the Uni-Bitcher."

• What keeps him from being a full member: Y chromosome
• Why he's included here: Having roomed with Ryan, he deserves something along the lines of a Purple Heart--an associateship was the best we could offer.
• Home Town: Axtell, NE
• Major: Computer Science
• Keirsey Type: Rational--Mastermind
• E-mail: nwells@cse.unl.edu
• Link: http://toad.netfirms.com
• Quotes:
  • "Get your facts straight."
  • "I'll never be as good as you guys. I don't deserve an associateship."
  • "Pika. Pika. Pika. Pika-choooo."
  • "That's how to win me over. Flowers."
  • "It's the weekend. I never say anything smart on the weekend."
  • "Yub yub, I'm an ewok. ...A really tall ewok."
  • "Okay, I'll put it on my fashion calendar."
  • "This is unfair on so many levels--like two."
  • "Okay, but you might want to remind me, though. I handed in my brain with my final this morning."
  • Changing the subject at dinner: "So, how'd you like the game?"
  • In the play: "It all starts with a bird and a bee, or in your case a bird and a bird, but thanks to 416 there shall never be, a relationship so absurd."
  • Designing competing/accompanying campus "artwork": "I have a mattress."
• Where he'll be in a decade: "I'll be using my degree while working my butt off at some low-level job, without any hope of promotion or a social life of any kind. I'll live in a miserable apartment with two other roommates who trash the place and forget to leave the toilet seat up. By predicting such a dreadful future, I avoid the possible disappointment when I am not a rich man by the time I'm 30."